Alchanati Campbell & Associates
Growing up, being an outcast, being different, getting hurt, and not belonging drove me. I did not have my place, so I acted out and misbehaved. I have always been the quiet observer and I have always enjoyed spending time with myself. My confidence grew from knowing myself fairly well and from acting and learning from my experiences. I listened and looked and took in everything. Everything was a learning experience and I grew because of that. I have always known and felt that I thought and acted differently. I would think about things differently and I would think of different things, I matured quickly, I became independent at a young age, I always felt I needed to lead and take control, to not rely on anyone, I cared about the things I valued a lot, and I have known exactly what I want, but now it is being planned and executed with more detail.
I was not very social, not very talkative, I preferred to be the last to act, I used to be afraid to speak because I would make mistakes, and I still do. Insecurity took something away from me that I can never get back. Learning to not care gave me tenfold of what I lost. Now, none of it matters because I realized what is truly important and valuable.
It took time to develop into who I am now. It took curiosity, initiative, ambition, and love. It also took suffering, awkward moments, failure, and wasted time and energy; equivalently.
I learned to accept and realize who I am, and I learned to figure out who I want to become. I learned to love myself, even when I loved others before I loved myself. I never cared for recognition or acknowledgement, and sometimes I failed by seeking validation. I never had the same values and focuses as others, and I always tried, and I still try to be different than everyone else. Because someone did it, I did not want to do it anymore kind of attitude. And I never cared for what people were doing and I never cared for people knowing what I was doing.
My social connections are dismal which I am working on. I never was good at creating new, long-lasting relationships and keeping them. I am and was always too stubborn. Maybe it was my proudness or insecurity that handicapped me. The relationships I did create and that I did keep are valuable and lasting. And I take the effort in keeping up with them and making them feel valued. I never needed social connection because I learned to get everything I needed from myself. After so many times getting hurt and being disappointed, I learned this.
My values, principles, beliefs, and ways come from my observations, experiences, mistakes, and readings on Stoicism, Oscar Wilde’s philosophy, and others. I have always been strong-headed and most of the time I would be more dramatic than I needed to be. I blame the lamp that fell on my head as my younger self tried to climb to new-highs up my dresser. I have always valued my time and I have found the importance in managing it well. Sometimes more than others. Learning, achievement, getting something right, and impacting others in a positive way has and will always make me happy.
I have always told myself: you will do it and you will get it done like you always do, beat the system, stick with your system and believe in it, get off the grid, what’s yours is yours, and strive to become your best self. I have always found the last one to be particularly hard. I never understood why some people did not like me. I had the world to offer, and I would have given more. I always cared too much, and I would become irrationally foolish. I am grateful for all of those experiences because now I have a reason to give my whole self and a person to give my whole self to.
Some that know me may say I am too arrogant or proud or stubborn or I think I am too good. Some others may say I am mysterious, unknown, I am there, I do my own thing, and then disappear. Others may say I am very mature, independent, established, successful, ambitious, driven, disciplined, hardworking, and focused. And a few have said I am scatter-brained. I will always have more questions than answers, I will always be attracted to the unknown, and I will never stop bettering myself. I have come too far to care what people think.
Throughout time, I have met and learned from many people no matter the size or length of the interaction, and I have seen and done many things absent of the mundane. I remembered everything and I often recall on memories to remind myself so I may learn from it and have it be instilled. The biggest challenge I had was accepting who I am and where I came from. And that is why I may have run away or hid from my past. I definitely did not value it, but I am starting to come back to it and become reconnected.
The problem was I experienced so much pain and suffering. A different kind of suffering than that that relates to hard work and success. I became so confused by what hurt me and I became so overwhelmed by the suffering from my not knowing that I became somewhat insensitive and emotionless. That created my loss of connection.
Independence is good when dependence is not feasible, appropriate, or effective. I have always concluded my independence as not needing anyone, ever. No support, no guidance, no help… always thinking that I am right. And in itself created my desire for independence. But I forgone my main support system: my family.
I have always been motivated by the reward of excitement. I never experience boredom because I have always something productive to do. And I can be with only myself for long stretches of time without going insane. I weight opportunities and decisions based on my overall feeling and comfort, and I always try to take the rational and most efficient approach regardless of the risk.
There is not a day that goes by where I do not think about my future, where I want to be, and how I will get there. It often changes, my explanation may not be the same, my reasoning may have become more constructive and detailed, my purpose may have shifted according to my values and priorities, but I will always tell myself like I did with my eight-year-old self, “you will do it and you will get it done like you always do”.
The ACA Foundation
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